New Year’s resolutions often focus on what we want to achieve: lose weight, exercise more, earn more, organize the house, change jobs, travel or finally complete something we have been putting off.
Another useful question is:
How do I want to feel while I am living my life?
That question can shift goal setting away from simply accomplishing more and toward understanding what actually matters to you.
What Are Core Desired Feelings?
The idea of Core Desired Feelings was popularized by Danielle LaPorte. Instead of beginning with external goals, you begin by identifying how you want to feel.
You might choose words such as:
- peaceful
- connected
- confident
- playful
- grounded
- free
- creative
- strong
- loved
- energized
These feelings can then become a filter for decisions and goals.
Start With the Areas That Matter Most
Choose a few areas of life that feel important right now.
For example:
- relationships
- health
- work
- family
- creativity
- finances
- community
- personal growth
Then ask yourself:
How do I want to feel in this part of my life?
Try not to choose the word you think you should want. Choose the one that actually feels meaningful to you.
My Core Desired Feelings in 2019
When I originally wrote this article at the end of 2018, I was beginning a three-year therapeutic counselling training program and doing a lot of personal reflection.
At that time, the feelings I chose were:
Acceptance
For me, acceptance meant practicing less resistance to what was already happening.
It did not mean approving of everything, becoming passive or believing that every difficult experience happened for a reason.
It meant trying to see reality more clearly before deciding how I wanted to respond.
Light-Hearted
I wanted more playfulness, ease and humour in my life.
It was a reminder that growth does not always have to feel heavy.
Love
Love meant caring deeply about the people in my life while also learning to bring more kindness toward myself.
Vibrant and Alive
I also wanted to feel energetic, engaged and connected to my body.
That feeling naturally connected with movement, time outdoors and taking care of my health.
Turn Feelings Into Actions
Choosing a word can feel inspiring, but the next step is asking:
What would help me experience more of this feeling in real life?
If you want to feel connected, you might call a friend, join a group or schedule time with family.
If you want to feel strong, you might begin strength training, practice boundaries or take on something that challenges you.
If you want to feel peaceful, you might create more quiet time, reduce unnecessary commitments or practice mindfulness.
The feeling becomes more useful when it leads to behaviour.
Intentions and Goals Can Work Together
You do not have to choose between intentions and measurable goals.
They can support each other.
For example:
Desired feeling: Strong
Intention: Take care of my body consistently.
Goal: Strength train twice each week for the next three months.
Or:
Desired feeling: Connected
Intention: Invest more energy in friendships.
Goal: Reach out to one friend each week.
The feeling gives the goal meaning.
Revisit Your Words Regularly
Your Core Desired Feelings do not need to be permanent.
What you need this year may be completely different from what you needed five years ago.
Write your words somewhere visible and revisit them occasionally.
Ask:
Is this still how I want to feel?
Are my current choices moving me toward that?
Does this word still fit who I am becoming?
Avoid Turning Feelings Into Another Standard to Meet
There is one potential trap with this kind of work.
If your desired feeling is “peaceful,” that does not mean you have failed every time you feel angry or overwhelmed.
If you choose “joyful,” you do not need to force yourself to feel positive when something genuinely hurts.
A Core Desired Feeling can give you direction without requiring you to suppress normal emotions.
Create Your Own Core Desired Feelings
Try this simple exercise:
- Choose three important areas of your life.
- Write several feelings you would like to experience in each.
- Circle the words that keep appearing.
- Choose two to four that feel most meaningful.
- Ask what actions could support each feeling.
- Choose one small step to begin.
You can combine this approach with Goal Setting for Health and Fitness if you want to turn a broader intention into something more concrete.
For practical support around movement, nutrition and sustainable habits, you can also explore Health & Lifestyle Coaching.
When the Work Goes Deeper
Sometimes goal setting brings up more than motivation.
You may notice perfectionism, fear, self-criticism, old beliefs or patterns that make it difficult to move toward the life you want.
That is where counselling can offer a different kind of support.
You can read more about Building the Life You Want through Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling.
Choose Direction, Not Perfection
You do not need to know exactly how the year will unfold.
A few meaningful words can simply help you remember what you want more of and guide some of the choices you make along the way.
The goal is not to feel one way all the time.
It is to keep moving in a direction that feels more aligned with the life you want to create.
